My Star Wars Rant

Here’s another page that will never get posted by my client. So sad.

I figured I would write something a little more accurate than the typical dross I’ve been putting out, catering to fanboys. So today, I want to speak to you about the reality of the Star Wars situation. It’s not fucking real.

A Long Time Ago…In George Lucas’ Mind…


That’s right. When the intro rolls and says a long time ago in a galaxy far away, it’s talking about shit that never happened. A long time ago, man was living in caves and beating people over the head with wooly mammoth bones, not running around deserts evading giant space slugs and playing with overcharged flashlights. This shits not real, and you fanboys are ridiculous. People are dying in the streets in real life, and yet you act like it’s the end of the fucking world because George decided Han didn’t shoot first. Get your priorities straight asshole.

Get Leia-d

Grow the fuck up man. Star Wars IS a kids movie. What are you, like 40? Get out of your mom’s basement and touch a girl’s tit for once. You’ll realize that Star Wars isn’t the greatest fucking thing in the world after all. It’s called S-E-X. Loser.

And for all you fags that spend time making life size replicas of the aluminum falcon, spend

star wars fan.
Probably a Star Wars fan. Definitely a virgin.

that time on shit that doesn’t make you a perpetual virgin. If you spent that much time in the gym, you’d be able to pull all the slave Leia pussy you could handle, with a little Padame poon thrown in for good measure. But no, you’d rather stay home playing with your lightsaber.

You’re Kinda a Joke. Actually, Not Even Kinda

Not to mention you’re the laughing stock of the rest of the world. I mean c’mon. Once you’re past 10, you’re too old to be playing dress up unless it’s Halloween. And even then, does the world need yet another Stormtrooper? No. They’re fucking idiots in the movies, and you are too. Find the cure for cancer, or sweep a street or anything that actually means something.

Find Your Own Way

Star wars is a great movie, and a great way to spend an afternoon. But if you take it too seriously, aka, you know how old Leia was the first time someone slipped her some dick, then you need to go outside, look around, and realize, “Hey, this is the real fucking world. Maybe I need to pull my head out of the clouds, and my ass, get out of my mom’s house and get some action that doesn’t belong to a wookie hand for once.” There’s a whole world of adventure out there. Stop living in someone else’s.